Waking up in my own room was not what I expected on Sunday. Initially, I’d hoped to be at retreat, but instead I woke up with a cold, though I had peace over not going.
“Alright, God,” I said sleepily. “You want me here. Today’s for you.” I then waited for God to show up and shake up my day.
And waited.
The day went by, and I wrapped up in a blanket in my living room and played video games with my dad and siblings. I did some chores, read, and the whole day seemed to go by without so much as a whisper from my Dad in Heaven. Today had also been the day my Dad had wanted to take me somewhere, but he was tired and slept most of the day. Finally, my sister asked to go to the movies. After napping a bit longer, my dad got up to take her. Since my dad and I didn’t want to watch the movie, so I thought “Yes, now we can go wherever it was he wanted to take me!” I waited for him to get back, but as he walked out the door he said “Just so you know, it would’ve been a better idea to come with me right now.” I opened the door and yelled “Wait for me! I’ll grab my shoes!”
I ran to grab my shoes, locked the door, and ran outside. My heart sank, however, as I ran down the driveway to see the taillights of my dad’s car turning the corner. Thrusting my hand into my pocket, I took out my phone and called immediately.
“Dad, I thought you were gonna wait for me! I’m locked out - can you please come get me?”
Pause. “Sorry son, but you’re gonna have to wait. I’ll be back.”
Really? Needless to say, I wasn’t too happy. I was sick and locked outside my house at night, and my dad gave no indication of when he’d be back. As the minutes ticked by, I the peace I’d had that morning started to evaporate. As I began to grow frustrated, I heard a distinct, clear thought:
“Philippians 4:8 and 9, James. Don’t focus on what happened, focus on what is good, praiseworthy, pure, and noble.” Finally, my God spoke. But why now? “You sure are speaking a lot this weekend, God… I love it, but why now when I’ve had so much trouble hearing you at home before?”
“Think about it. You don’t remember?”
After considering it for a moment, I remembered my frustration over winter break. In my desperation to hear God at home, I had prayed to God over break.
“God,” I had said expectantly, “I’m tired of not hearing you at home. Next time I come home, You’re coming with me. I want to hear You, please.” After making that request of God, I had forgotten what I had prayed. It appeared, I thought with a smile, that God had not.
Suddenly, it began to rain. I ran back to my porch, now wet, cold, and sick on my porch. Something drew me back toward the street, though.
“James, look. Its raining.” I could practically feel God laughing a little as He said this.
“Well.. yeah! That’s why I ran back to the porch!”
“Look outside at that street light, Son. What do you see?” Under the street light I saw hundreds of raindrops falling, illuminated by the small cone of light from the street lamp. I told God so, and He replied, “Those are the reasons you are aware of that I love you. Now, turn around and look up into the sky.” I looked, excited for what I might see. The clouds had blotted out the stars, however, and I was met with darkness.
“I can’t see anything.”
I felt God smile again. “You can’t see the raindrops, but they are there. These, Son, are the reasons I love you that I have yet to show you.”
The smile that spread across my face wasn’t something my face had room for. I sat back on my porch, overtaken by the fact that my God had brought me out here to show me such a display of His love. Suddenly the rain wasn’t so bad, and the hour I spent locked outside my house became an hour free of distraction, reveling in the love of my God.
This time locked outside my own house was the best hour of my weekend.
